Sure, we had taken all the classes required of us as foster parents. You know, the classes outlining the good, the bad and the ugly that can come from these children exposed to more in utero than most of us will be in our lifetime. But I thought our situation would be different. We had all the best Doctors, intense therapies. She was loved and doted on 110%. That would make her outcome better. She would be okay!
5 yrs ago, I must have had my head in the sand.
So you can probably imagine the fierce inner war I had with myself as I drove to the pharmacy to drop off my daughters first prescription from her Psychiatrist. I was literally making myself sick with anguish. How did it come to this? How could I allow them to prescribe her medication?? How would I let these mind altering chemicals pass through her lips??? What kind of mother had I become????
...and then from the backseat of my car, a rage began. The rages often begin in the car for reasons I have yet to understand. Kicking, screaming and thrashing about. Seat belts are restrictive so she always removes hers and tosses around in the backseat like a bouncy red ball. Words cannot describe the intense feeling of helplessness when you are driving down the highway at 70mph and your child is in full hysterics in the backseat. I immediately pull over to remedy the situation. I grabbed her and held her firmly in her booster seat with one hand while I installed a carseat lock with the other. I got back in the car and continued on my way, trying to keep my cool so as not to add fuel to the fire. All the while she alternates kicking the back of my seat and slapping the back of my head with her shoe and belting a high pitched scream. I've long ago learned there is no reasoning with her during this these episodes.
At that moment, I decided I would fill that prescription. Our daughter needed help so badly, she was out of control and we had already tried everything else humanly possible to help her.
A lot can change in 5 yrs.
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